I've heard somewhere that the size of your handwriting correlates to the amount of self-esteem a person has. I have really small handwriting, does hat mean I have really low self-esteem? If I had to guess I would say yes, because I know how much self-esteem I have. Pretending has become a hobby of mine, and I do it well. Unless alcohol is involved. Then bring on the beer tears people.
Anyways, I decided to start writing here because of something that happened last night. I was on chat roulette, which I'm sure everybody knows about, and if you don't consider yourself lucky. I positioned the computer so that only my friends were in the picture because hello, no one would want to stay chatting if the first thing they saw was a fat girl. Anywho, we got these guys, total DBs but hey, that's half the fun of CR. So the guys commented on how there was only one white girl in the frame, my friend K. And then K said no, that I was there. I put my hand into the screen and before my face was even in the frame they began the judgement.
"Oh, but that one's arm looks particularly chubby....oh yep, she is."
Ok, so I weigh more than I should, for my age and height. What if I'm comfortable in my skin? You don't have to be an ass about it. Also, you don' t have to make me feel like shit in front of my friends who don't have weight problems. You're the type of people that cause people with insecurities to develop complexes. How does that make you feel, big men and women on campuses? Are you proud? Does it help you sleep at night?
Well let me tell you something. Making fun of other people does not take away issues you have with yourself. At the end of the day, you're still you. You still have to deal with your problems. You still have to live with yourself. I hope you can live with yourself knowing what you may do to other people. I hope you can sleep at night.
As for me, I couldn't sleep for the life of me last night. What those boys said kept running through my head, preventing sleep from coming to me. I woke up this morning, after a mere three hour nap, with a new outlook on life. So I don't like myself, so what? I can change myself, or I can learn to love myself for what I am. I'm working on both, and it's a slow process, but it's coming along. As for all of you who don't like me, keep reading to find out exactly what I think about you.
Peace Out,
Jessica
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