Holidays Can Suck It

Ok, so the Holidays are supposed to a time when everyone gets together and confesses their love for each other and are generally all-around happy. 


With that in mind, let me make my next statement: I HATE the Holidays. 


I hate forced family time, and having to sit around smiling and laughing at things that aren't funny. This year is going to be especially hard, I can already tell. So much drama is going on at home that I can't, even for one day, just forget about it and pretend like we're One Big Happy Family. I mean, hello people, wake up already! My brother is on the verge of being sent to jail, my mother blows her child support money on material possessions to make herself feel better, and I am miserable at home. All I can think about is getting back to school, getting out of this house and away from these people. Honestly, and this is going to sound very shallow of me, I am only looking forward to presents on Christmas. How sad is that? I used to love my family, and family holidays. Now, not so much. Everyone looks at us like we're the problem side of the family. And you know what? I kind of look at my family like that too. And I hate being grouped with them. All I want to do is point and say: "No! Don't judge me with them! I'm not like them!" 


So yeah, not going to be a fun Christmas this year. Like at All. 


AND:: I have been sort-of talking to a person who should not be even on my radar anymore. I blame being home, and being in a shitty mood. I am depressed, and in need of feeling good about myself. Or, as it turns out to be more like, I need someone who will make me feel like shit. That way, I can blame them for everything that's going on. I do this myself, I know I do. Some people cut themselves, or deprive their body of food, just so they can feel pain, or hurt themselves. Me? I go to people who I know will only reject me and then make me feel awful about myself. I guess we all have our vices that aren't good for us. 


Hope Your Holidays are Happier Than Mine.